Between The Exciting and Fear Moments

"For Hasna's Graduation, she said", I don’t know, but in my mind, my grandma was more excited about my graduation, then she bought shoes with my aunt, in my aunt’s story update. My dad also thought I would graduate in 2026. Maybe as the first child, and I’m a girl, I’m also the first grandchild from my mom’s family, which means I have enough responsibility to be a role model for my cousins, my sister, and my brother, and maybe to meet some family expectations.

2026 is also a moment when my brother and I stay in Central Java without our parents. Not too far for both of us, between Semarang and Solo, we can drive in just an hour via toll. So he’ll be my self-growth partner, and crazy enough to dream big with me for some years and beyond.

Actually, my graduation day is also one of the most exciting parts. But I also feel anxious knowing I only have less than 2 years to maximize my young life in college and all the opportunities I can get through it.

2027 isn’t a long time. Sometimes I’m scared I won’t create enough memories with my best friends, my family, my team, and even with myself. ‘Cause I know this is something meaningful, something we can’t buy, so precious, something irreplaceable.

But that’s why, because it’s precious, I feel like I don’t want this to pass by just like that, and I don’t even want it to end quickly. So this is one of the most dilemmatic parts. Whether I want it or not, we will go through this.

This is me and my friends. Suddenly being a coach during our fun paddle time.

I just imagine, everything will become a story, everything will become a memory. Today we feel all the things, but tomorrow we’ll say today was a story from yesterday.

Maybe I’m a little bit mellow because I’m on my period. So, maybe you know what I mean, girl.

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The sense of excitement and fear

I said, “between exciting and fear”, do you know why?

Cause we’re talking about the future, and no one knows about it.

On one side, there’s hope that the future will have many great things to offer, new stories, new places, even a new you. But on the other side, there’s fear with thoughts like, “What if” What if what I imagined doesn’t happen the way I thought?

But the harsh truth is, just admit that feeling, accept the uncertainty.

After many rejections, after many delays, I just wanna dream again, to explore the world. Maybe no one will tell me if this dream will work out or not, but I’m crazy enough to believe it will.

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Remind me about myself in the past

2025 made me reflect so much on myself in the past. This is something great, ‘cause I remember another side of me that I might have almost forgotten, someone who loves adventure, traveling, languages, art, even singing, and connecting with new friends.

And I’m so grateful that, even after I deactivated my main social media, I accidentally met a new friend from the Philippines, who made me see myself again. We’re polyglots, we have big dreams, and she reminded me of a side of myself that I maybe buried for some years. Since I hadn’t connected or made a new friend since 2022, when I had a hybrid class from Australia like with some friends from Brazil. I realized that since high school, I’ve always been interested in having friends from the other side of the world, like Türkiye, Malaysia, or Africa.

My curiosity about the world, especially having friends who study abroad in Canada, Australia, and many more, makes me imagine how it would be if I lived somewhere I could also meet another version of myself, something I maybe never thought would happen.

Even dreaming of stargazing in another country, feeling and learning new things, that’s why I love travel documentaries, like National Geographic since I was a child. The Milky Way feels like a painting, a painting with a billion stars and trillions of galaxies, how vast it is.

I read this opening in The Reluctant Traveler documentary. I love this statement deeply:

A great philosopher once said, "The world is a book, and those who don't travel read only one page."

Do you know what I love when I go to the mountains?

Looking at the sky, feeling the air, and just sitting by myself.

Looking at the sky makes us realize how big the world is, and how small our problems and challenges are. And from all of that, we look so small, and among the billions of people in the world, our life is definitely His creation. Nothing goes wrong, everything is precise, the timing, the moment.

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Find yourself in you

Sadly, turning back time, there was a time when I almost lost myself, as if I forgot who I was, even to the point that my friends knew I had nearly lost my spark. It’s not now, it’s in the past, and I passed on.

I once feared I would lose myself again. And that’s why the definition of “exciting and fear” can exist in the same place.

But how I deal with this is by knowing that many things in our life are out of our control. If you focus on external things, you can lose yourself. But when you focus inside, you know what broke you, and you also know that it can’t define you.

And that’s what makes me find myself again and again, even as I choose to be brave enough to live my best life in uncertainty and imperfection. Many life-changing things happen when you rebuild yourself from scratch, not with empty hands, but from a foundation filled with experiences.

You know what?

Maybe a building has to be demolished until only the land remains, so a new foundation can build a new structure, new principles, new values, new beliefs, and new dreams.

Not everything will be relevant for your future, but it greatly shapes your character in the present.

At the end, I know that sometimes, when you go through it and you succeed, this is when people can also learn from how you deal with it, and your life becomes a story for others who face those things. Maybe unintentionally, you inspire them just from your struggles.

Even when sometimes people think, “What can’t Hasna do?”

You see, nothing is perfect.

But I learned from lessons four years ago that I am nothing without my God, Allah.

My significant change when I'm humble, and my magical timing comes when I'm surrender. This is what I've learned over the years.

When I least expect it, when I don’t rush the timing, when I know there are many things I haven’t learned yet, or seen yet, I stay for open to the other great possibilities.

The right time will reveal itself when you’re ready and prepared.

So, when I got a chance to share on a podcast, I told people to really focus on developing yourself first, dig deep into who you are, discover where your strongest potential lies, instead of obsessing over weaknesses or comparing yourself to others.

Again, some people noticed I deactivated my Instagram, and I told them it was a great decision. Backstage, I shared inspiration from Melanie Perkins and other billionaires who didn’t rely heavily on social media. Because the podcast invitation was about women creating, I shared my intention to create without always chasing fame.

Because if Canva can be felt by so many people through its work and mission to empower people to design without everyone knowing who Melanie Perkins is, then this is powerful. I’m inspired a lot by Melanie Perkins. She really focuses on the mission, and maybe everything else is just a distraction.

Maybe this is what low-profile people look like.

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Find your special part

In the podcast, many asked how to deal with different feelings. I answered that you don’t need to feel “different” in a negative sense. Embrace your uniqueness, accept every part of yourself, including your life story.

Feeling different sometimes builds invisible walls between ourselves and our best potential. But when you shift your mindset and realize you’re special, aware of your value and potential, you’ll discover the fun of diversity, it’s exciting to explore, there’s so much to learn, so many perspectives to see.

With people who’ve been looked down on, underestimated, bullied, I can say I’ve had a long journey to reach the point where I accept all of that. Not just accepting it with open hands, but using it as a starting point to grow far beyond.

I experienced it myself, healing and focusing inward has a huge impact. I can be more charming, wiser, and with expensive lessons, I know my standards, how to build healthy boundaries.

There’s something called post-traumatic growth, which I define as significant growth after a traumatic moment. It only happens when someone chooses not just to survive but to deeply process the event. I’ve been through this many times. I share this not to say I’m broken, but to say I understand that there are times it’s hard to say goodbye to an old version of yourself.

This is sometimes what people ask me about, how to grow, how to become high-value, how to understand yourself.

The process of understanding yourself lasts a lifetime, because life phases constantly change. But one of the deepest ways to understand yourself is to be honest, to sit with yourself.

Just like finding your best potential, finding yourself deeply, knowing yourself from the roots is the best way to accept and know your full story.

Today, I feel I can stand on my own much better.

I believe I am special with all the potential entrusted to me by Allah, "you're the chosen one". People can hurt you, leave you, but you always have yourself and Allah, who never leaves you behind. So, remind yourself of this mindset.

Understand and remember your value, know your standards, and protect your self-worth. This is something we must hold onto, in the middle of life with news like someone deciding to suicide, someone unfaithful, and honestly, it can overwhelm sometimes. Life is so unpredictable, but when we know this is life, this is the world, this is where everything will be tested. And remember, your value is not determined by people or even their actions.

About my future partner, I also told myself that if I have a partner one day, he will show he’s the one through his actions and commitment, and we will work on it together. I have big dreams, and maybe over time they’ll grow bigger, and who deserves the journey is the one who truly wants to walk beside you, not just once, but for a lifetime.

May you and I find that love story in this life and make it happen.

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Now not later, now or never

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.

Some people regret life. I know, in some cases, because they’re too careful making decisions.

But the decisions not made, standing in the middle, living in ambiguity, aren’t truly deciding yes or no.

Youth only happens once, and old age only happens once too. This hits me so hard.

Just imagine, if someone is given 80 years, and now you’re 20, that means there are four or more life-changing phases ahead. So at 20, it’s not too late for anything, to pivot, start a new life, make different decisions. Maybe this is the starting point for many things in your life.

“Between The Exciting and Fear Moments,” yes, it happens.

In young age, just take the risk. You’ll never know where today’s risks and decisions can take you.

Remember, one decision, one step, can change everything.

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From this blog, I share topics about the process of feelings between exciting and fear moments, shifting life phases, dealing with trauma, saying goodbye to a bad past, and decision-making for life.

So, whether this blog becomes a book, an inspiration, or just my archive, this is in line with my blog title 20 Year to Build You. Maybe I should change it to 20s to Build You? Let’s see how the meaning evolves over time.

I hope you get some lessons through my stories. And maybe the lessons are already within you, sometimes we just need to be reminded through our current journey.

So, again, good luck on your journey and,

cheers for us!